A Small Offering

Hello. Did you know there are many ways to feel a calling? For me, it is usually very gentle. Just a small, quiet and loving pull or push to share. When an idea or thought comes to me in this way, I find it easy to trust in and go with. It’s the difference between someone reaching out their hand and softly asking if I’d like to join them for a walk and someone throwing me a wild fastball and yelling heads up or duck, hopefully in the nick of time.

I will always pick the former. If you are the type of person who would choose the latter, that is okay too. The best part of life is how different we all are. Life gets even better than that when we as individuals come to understand ourselves and live our lives according to our true nature. That is how we find harmony. Once you find your flow, that is when things get done. It’s not always easy. That is for sure. But it is always worth the effort. I know so many beautiful, fiery people doing outstanding things for the world. I’m thankful for them and the way they operate. The way they answer the call.

To their fire, I am water.

When something comes through in a big loud way, that is when I feel guarded. Often those bigger, louder ideas grab my attention, and yes, I devote time to figuring them out. Where they come from, why I’m feeling or thinking them. Am I meant to do something with them and somehow cycle them through to others who they might help. But as this happens, my natural instinct is to take my foot off the gas, both mentally and emotionally. It’s as if the time and energy I put in to figuring out what to do takes away the desire to see it through. I become overwhelmed. Sometimes, I beat myself up about that. The inner voice tells me, “That would have been a good thing to share! That could have been epic. That could have been the spark that may have motivated someone to necessary action and you’ve turned away from it!”

I’ve been doing that quite a lot this past year. Moving away and drawing inward.

The reason I’m talking about this today is because when we are going through uncomfortable times of change in our lives, as I am currently doing, you may find yourself searching for answers. Searching for ways to cope and to get through the situation in a way that doesn’t hurt. We all want to navigate our lives in the best way possible. But sometimes, figuring out exactly how to do that adds yet another level of stress onto an already stressful situation. Trying to get through my own extraordinary life changes this year has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. And on top of that, I’ve added unhealthy levels of stress that come from searching for the best way to handle it all. Doubting myself over and over again. It has surely affected my health as I’ve watched my hair fall out in handfuls and my energy levels plummet and skyrocket, leaving me exhausted.

If you’re going through this, my heart goes out to you.

If I can offer up any thoughts on these types of matters, it would be to shower yourself in forgiveness. Be as kind and loving to yourself as you possibly can, but keep moving forward.

And then, take a deep breath and look again. Are you fire or are you water? Or are you more like the blowing wind or a solid stone? Once you know that, you can begin to trust yourself. Trust your instincts and your ideas. Be able to sift through the thoughts that will come to you but might not be meant for you to take action on. Let those ones pass by and listen for the ones that feel right.

I opened my blog yesterday and realized I hadn’t posted anything since the end of 2024. I started to scold myself because I’m a writer and this blog and website are very dear to me, as are all of you who read my offerings. This blog may be the best way for me to share something that could help someone. To step away from it for so long is never part of my plan. But as I type this, a gentle thought comes through to me. I needed time to get through some really tough moments. Time to understand what I am going through and how to feel safe in being open about it.

This weekend, I barely felt like getting out of bed. I did. But it took me forever on both days. I cancelled a walk and a coffee with my kid. I skipped my daily meditation. It did not feel good, and I was not happy with myself. Still, I allowed myself those two days to go through those feelings, trusting that things would get better, that I would learn something, and I would find a way forward. As I went to bed last night, I told myself, “What if tomorrow, things get better?” This morning, I set my alarm and promised myself I’d get up and practice my meditation. And I did. That meditation video led me to another YouTube creator called The Unexpected Gypsy. She came up in my suggested feed and the title of her video caught my eye: “It took me 50 years to realise what I’ll tell you in 30 minutes…” You can watch it HERE. When her video finished, coupled with the meditation, I felt better. More myself.

I carried on doing my morning tasks and then after a few hours had passed, I thought, “This would be a nice topic to cover in a blog post. It was as gentle a thought as that.”

I’ll close with one of my favorite all-time quotes:

In a gentle way, you can shake the world. ~gandhi

(But also, you can shake it up in a lively way as well! Just be true to yourself. The answers are all there. Let me say it again, one more time, gently. Be true to who you are. Be true to your truth. That’s the way to answer a calling.)